For the past week, it's as if I have switched places with another individual. Going from being locally friendless, to gaining more than a handful of friends. From spending my days sitting utterly bored with nothing else to do, I am finding myself becoming tired of being out every night.
It is as if my want's have been transformed into reality. A girl cannot help but wonder where these new found opportunities will bring me?
As of right now there is Hurricane Isaac chugging it's way to what seems our direction. South of Louisiana has a evacuation warning already in effect. I am curious to see just how bad this may get. I honestly don't won't to think it will get too serious.
Recently I became Single. It wasn't like I didn't see it coming. I was never inlove with the guy. I love him, but that love could never form into being utterly inlove. Not only that, but it could just never work out. Things are far too complicated to keep our relationship going. But that does not mean I do not miss him. I admit I miss him utterly. I wish I could keep him forever. Put him in my pocket and never let him go. But that is just selfish of me.
I am unsure if I will ever feel such extreme emotions for a man ever again. I have only been inlove once. And that in itself was such a traumatic experience for me.
I do not know how some people can say they have been inlove 3 or 4 times already when they have not even reached the age of 60. Being inlove is such a rare thing to come across. I was fortunate enough to feel such strong emotions at such a delicate age. Yes, it was not ideal, but I loved that man with every fiber of my being. I dreampt of the man before I even knew who existed in the waking world. I stayed with him and put up with so many flaws that should have never been over looked. I could go on and on with a endless list. All I knew I was madly inlove with the guy. It was too bad he never felt the same. Had he did, I don't know just how much more I could love the man before I died of pure happiness.
I do not know why, but I am scared to love. Yeah, the usual "oh I do not want to get hurt again" comes to everyones minds, but being inlove, with another individual who is as much inlove with you if not more, can seem so extreme. Not very many know what that is like. Even I do not know what that is like. And perhaps never will. I honestly think some people can't take and handle so much emotion for somebody, so they destroy the relationship without realizing it. Being inlove can either bring the best of you and change you for the better, or could really fuck you up and do the extreme opposite.
It's like a chance game. The blue or the red pill. Decisions decisions. Choices be choices. You have to pick either one, and hope it's the right one.
Anyways, with m new found friends, I feel so much happier inside. I will be honest, for the past 4 months, it has been nothing but an emotional roller-coaster ride for my heart and mind. I have never had so many panic attacks in my entire life as I did those few months. Actually, I never had panic attacks until I lost my dad. For the first week, I have not had a solid panic attack. What could this mean? Even my Ex could never calm me down. He always made it worse. Everyone made it worse. But now...
I am falling inlove with my new friends. And yes you can most defiantly fall inlove in a friendly way. lol It's really nice to get to know them all individually. Know what type of person they are and what we have in common. So far none of them know too much about me. So it going to be a interesting few months to say the least. =)
Well I am unsure what else to write about at the moment. I will keep updating. To whomever reads this, thanks for sparing the time. Much Love, Laviah~
