For the past week, it's as if I have switched places with another individual. Going from being locally friendless, to gaining more than a handful of friends. From spending my days sitting utterly bored with nothing else to do, I am finding myself becoming tired of being out every night.
It is as if my want's have been transformed into reality. A girl cannot help but wonder where these new found opportunities will bring me?
As of right now there is Hurricane Isaac chugging it's way to what seems our direction. South of Louisiana has a evacuation warning already in effect. I am curious to see just how bad this may get. I honestly don't won't to think it will get too serious.
Recently I became Single. It wasn't like I didn't see it coming. I was never inlove with the guy. I love him, but that love could never form into being utterly inlove. Not only that, but it could just never work out. Things are far too complicated to keep our relationship going. But that does not mean I do not miss him. I admit I miss him utterly. I wish I could keep him forever. Put him in my pocket and never let him go. But that is just selfish of me.
I am unsure if I will ever feel such extreme emotions for a man ever again. I have only been inlove once. And that in itself was such a traumatic experience for me.
I do not know how some people can say they have been inlove 3 or 4 times already when they have not even reached the age of 60. Being inlove is such a rare thing to come across. I was fortunate enough to feel such strong emotions at such a delicate age. Yes, it was not ideal, but I loved that man with every fiber of my being. I dreampt of the man before I even knew who existed in the waking world. I stayed with him and put up with so many flaws that should have never been over looked. I could go on and on with a endless list. All I knew I was madly inlove with the guy. It was too bad he never felt the same. Had he did, I don't know just how much more I could love the man before I died of pure happiness.
I do not know why, but I am scared to love. Yeah, the usual "oh I do not want to get hurt again" comes to everyones minds, but being inlove, with another individual who is as much inlove with you if not more, can seem so extreme. Not very many know what that is like. Even I do not know what that is like. And perhaps never will. I honestly think some people can't take and handle so much emotion for somebody, so they destroy the relationship without realizing it. Being inlove can either bring the best of you and change you for the better, or could really fuck you up and do the extreme opposite.
It's like a chance game. The blue or the red pill. Decisions decisions. Choices be choices. You have to pick either one, and hope it's the right one.
Anyways, with m new found friends, I feel so much happier inside. I will be honest, for the past 4 months, it has been nothing but an emotional roller-coaster ride for my heart and mind. I have never had so many panic attacks in my entire life as I did those few months. Actually, I never had panic attacks until I lost my dad. For the first week, I have not had a solid panic attack. What could this mean? Even my Ex could never calm me down. He always made it worse. Everyone made it worse. But now...
I am falling inlove with my new friends. And yes you can most defiantly fall inlove in a friendly way. lol It's really nice to get to know them all individually. Know what type of person they are and what we have in common. So far none of them know too much about me. So it going to be a interesting few months to say the least. =)
Well I am unsure what else to write about at the moment. I will keep updating. To whomever reads this, thanks for sparing the time. Much Love, Laviah~
Monday, August 27, 2012
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Aurora, Colorado {Movie Shooting}
I guess about the best way to start this whole blogging thing off, is giving my thoughts and opinions of a very unfortunate and horrible shootout that took place last night in Aurora, Colorado within a Cinema Movie theater during a New Batman premiere. It deeply saddens myself to start it off like this, with such a depressing blog, but it really can't be helped.
Last night was just like any other night for most, but solemnly, I suppose it was not destined to be a calm and enjoyable one for the excited people who were eager to go see the new Batman movie, The Dark Knight Rises.
A tall medium built young college student, with hair dyed purposely Reddish orange named James Holmes, committed a horrible and devastating atrocity last night with armed guns at his side. Walking into the movie theater, buying a ticket, changing into his protective garb and than slipping out the back door to grabs his armed guns, to have them brought back in just to soullessly start shooting off rounds at every man woman and child in sight.
At a time like this, we ask, "why...?"
As crazy and fucking delusional he was, he had to have known that whatever he was about to commit, was just downright fucking Wrong. On all levels. He had to have known what he was going to do was just heartless and brutally cold?
Did things just start to pile up on him? With schooling and all? Was he so far gone, he just completely lost himself into a complete rage at the world? Did he fall someplace and damage his brain, causing such unnatural thoughts and feelings interfere uncontrollably into his normal thought process? What??
{Smh}
This just sends my anxiety from "bad" to just all the way, "Fucking paranoid as Fuck". You can't go out without worrying if somebody will just completely lose it and start firing rounds off everyone because their life is falling to pieces. It's downright scary, but unbelievably real. Next time I go out, I am paying attention to the Exits surrounding me and calculate my options during a time when shit hits the fan, as they say. lol No lie. It's bad enough people can buy guns if they have the money, but for lunatics to be able to do so?? Ha!
Which pulls me into another debate that everyone is talking about right now. Is it right for America to be able to have and rightfully own firearms? Now, there is two sides to this argument. Two very good sides. It truly makes it hard to decipher which is better for everyone in the long run.
Truthfully? I honestly don't like guns. I can not fathom ever putting a bullet into somebody. Good or bad. Whatever the situation. Only way, if I had to choose, I would shoot by them, and if that did not work, I would shot something such as a hand or foot. Something they would have a better chance of surviving. But that's me. I do not like violence. I do not like things such as killing or blood and gore. I can't stomach it. So fucking sue me.
But the darkness in it all, is the fact I feel like we may need them one day. As somebody who does not trust the government, to expect a civil war to breakout all over the US perhaps someday, I certainly don't want to be left seemingly unintimidating. I just believe the government should NOT be given all of the power. They should NOT treat us like slaves and have their way all the time. I do not like the concept of being controlled by my every whim to fit their lifestyle and way of wants. That's the dark side to it that brings me to nod in agreement how we as American citizens should not be left at our governments will.
The other side to this, that I agree with, is the fact I wish people did not need to own guns. I loathe them truthfully. I hate all objects that are designed to kill. We are evolved creatures, we should be above killing one another out of hate and anger. We should all just get along. It does not necessarily mean having to be buddy buddy, but have respect for one another. Violence is so damn dumb. Violence out of spite is, but if its just for fun with your own body, as long as you don't severely hurt each other, I don't have a problem with. So for boxing and karate? Doing it as for fun? Knock yourself out I say. :)
So for whatever reason this had to happen, I am deeply saddened and I know many are as well. So sad to see people lost to this mindless violence that could have been avoided had he just seek some damn help, better yet, check himself into a mental ward. But we can say "shoulda woulda coulda" all we want, but that won't bring back all those poor souls that died last night in Aurora, Colorado.
“Nonviolence is a weapon of the strong” ~Gandhi
Rest in Peace To those that passed Away,
Blessed Be )O(
Laviah Moon
Friday, July 20, 2012
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